Anushka SDA Girls Guide to the NRL
April 16th 2008 11:34
Before you read on PICTURE a:
- Stiletto clad ‘Princess’ with manicured nails. She is a beer virgin, disapproves of bad smells and the THOUGHT of ever making contact with BO and mud brings her to tears.
Then proceed to IMAGINE:
- The above said ‘Princess’ boldly declaring to her companion over a bottle of chardonnay that she was going to watch a game of NRL …whilst getting the attention of everyone near by who were engrossed in an NBL game. (No she didn’t confuse her sports).
What would possess these girls to consider this?
…they wanted to make fun of people with no necks, end of story.
What does that mean for the aforementioned beer virgins?
…Disaster
…humiliating
…muttered death threats
…doom…
***
The above mentioned scenario is based on a true story. There are unfortunately no over exaggerations, Prince Charmings , dwarfs or wicked witches in this tale. Well, there actually was a witch…
The above mentioned ex-‘Princess’ is me.
Below is the ‘Bible’ (I wish I had) containing what NOT to do and say at the NRL when in the presence of people who actually understand the game. But before I continue I would like to make it clear that I no longer admit to being that person and can hold a conversation with a male regarding the ins and out of the sport. (Don’t die of shock; it’s not an impossible feat).
1.First and Foremost, do not ever, EVER innocently voice the question, ‘what’s a try?’ Let alone, ‘why kick a goal when you can just ‘try’ again?’
2.Do not even try to sip beer, it is not peppermint tea and was invented to be gulped!
3.Do not wear stilettos…actually no, wear the stilettos.
4.DO NOT, NOT bring along 2kg of salami. If you do, do not proceed to offer the putrid smelling meat to those around you intend on watching the game. Actually…don’t even bring salami to the game in the first place, like what’s wrong with you?
5.Do NOT throw lollies at the people below you and then loudly accuse the people behind you for eating it. Awkward…But if you fail to do so, make sure you absolutely DO NOT throw slices of salami down as well
6.Do not watch people peel of random slabs of salami off their shoulders, laps or…faces.
7.Take photos, lots of photo’s…of yourself. You have a neck and should celebrate that fact until the end of time. However, if you lack that essential part of your anatomy, by all means take photos of a game you do not yet understand.
8.Buy Big League…pretend you understand the match reviews. If you can’t, turn the magazine the right way up before complaining that it’s written in ‘boganised’ English.
9.If you choose to purchase a flag, make sure you know how to wave it. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT allow that actual flag material to land on the face of the woman in front of you. If that happens (again), ask assistance from the child near by to help you move the flag QUICKER OFF THE PERSONS DAMN FACE or god have mercy on your soul. (Yes, she was the witch mentioned earlier).
10.Avoid merchandise…unless you want to look like a ‘fan.’ Come on, it’s the rugby, no one should know you follow it! Next they will be accusing you of drinking beer! *averts eye gaze*
11.If you choose to splurge on a premium membership after watching your first game…remember that if you are a typical (ie: temporarily broke)uni student, going to home games will be your only social life because you can’t afford to do anything else. Therefore, chances are you will actually eventually understand the game and tell everyone you know what a try is…even Craig Bellamy (Melbourne Storm coach). You will also proudly tell him that you know what a conversion is and proceed to become extremely irritated when he says that you are a ‘hardcore fan now’…sarcastically! Like, how dare he!
12.Finally…do NOT follow Cooper Cronk to his car, even though you manage to get lost along the way and fall in shrubbery. He can hear you (from the other side of the hedge) when you are thinking (aloud) ‘where did he escape to?’
So that’s what NOT to do at an NRL game.
More postings will be available on how to appreciate teams and players the 'female way.' It is vital that every female on this planet is educated on the matter.
Trust me, go to a game, there is something in the air, the buzz on the field that makes you crave more (despite the awkward moments and life threatening situations).
Enjoy.
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