Will EvansA Girls Guide to…Choosing a NRL Team
April 24th 2008 05:31
Choosing a team to support is just as important as finding the perfect shoes to go with that perfect Little Black Dress…No, The other Little Black Dress. *rolls eyes at all the clueless men near by (and StephenP)* Like seriously, who only wears one pair of shoes with all outfits? *disapprovingly eyes the pair of crocs worn by the ginger-haired man walking past*
[B]Okay, as I was saying…choosing a team is very important. Of course you don’t have to choose just the one, but choosing the one ‘pair of perfect shoes’ in this situation will greatly enhance your knowledge of the game and prevent you from saying to a Melbourne Storm supporter, “I can’t believe Jonathan Thurston is not playing…again, Wayne Bennett is such an idiot, does he not realize the talent he possesses?”
You may not know what’s wrong with that sentence yet, but let’s just say people will start seeing you as that ‘dumb’ girl. They also won’t take you seriously and think you are only there to perve on the players backsides, thighs, legs, biceps, triceps, elbows…Okay so maybe you are, but they don’t all have to know that!
If you don’t find that an issue I am positive you’ll change your tune when a Jim Beam reeking bogan feels that it is his divine duty to explain the game for you –“ you see Princess…*puts damp arm over your shoulder*…the bloke over there is the halfback and he is the play maker…Coops is just gunna kick to Billy Boy and them im and hes gonna go score en da…” Yes, I don’t understand either!
Trust me, those ‘experts’ only approach if they think you need some help understanding the game…so understand it and avoid hideous smells oozing out of pores belonging to an unidentified species entering you breathing space! Trust me, it doesn’t matter how much you pay for your ticket, those unhygienic educators are only a quick glance away.
If you were considering supporting more than one team, I’m sure you have changed your mind…thank god. (I saved you!)
So now that you have decided to pledge you allegiance to the one team aka – buying one pair of shoes, the question remains -how to choose… who to choose?
Well - don’t go into each team’s official webpage and look on the player profiles! ALL of them look like they suffer from some yet to be identified disability. Sure, some of them may actually look like that in real life, but most of them do not (so there is a God) BUT those player profiles should not be the primary tool of research when choosing a team or you may decide to turn into a AFL supporting nutcase *shudder*
Firstly, consider the team colors. After all, if you are going to support a team you are going to have to be able to look at them…or see them for that matter! *cough* So a NO to the Raiders who cannot be easily differentiated from the grass…
Secondly, look at the team mascots. If you have an aversion to rabbits, stay away from the Rabbitohs. If you have a phobia towards Sharks, Cronulla is defiantly not the team for you. If you like the colours blue and yellow but refuse to be an ‘Eel’…keep on ‘researching.’ Also, if you are from Victoria and choose not to support the Sexy Storm team – there is something seriously wrong with you and I suggest you immediately book an appointment with your psychologist.
From my experience I believe that watching an actual game on television is what seals the deal. There are close-ups, wide-angle shots…Oh and REPLAYS *faints* It is through this medium that one can successfully evaluate the potential eye candy and ah talent of the team. Then before you realize what is happening…you have a new pair of shoes…or as some would call it - a team.
The reason I suggest choosing a team based purely on their eye candy appeal is because once you are besotted with a player (or the whole entire team), appreciation for the actual game will follow. Without realizing it, you are suddenly more knowledgeable about the sport than all those merchandise clad specimens around you!
For example unlike them, you know the exact birthday, height and compatible star signs of every single member of the team…as well the dumb stuff like the amount of sets completed, the missed tackle count (for both teams) and the amount of games won/lost/drawn against a certain team since 1991…
So, what colour are your new pair of shoes? ]
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