Anushka SDA Girl's Guide to...COOPER CRONK!
April 18th 2008 06:47
Age: 24
DOB: 05.12.83
Player Position: Half back
Status: Entertainment/ eye candy
Assets: Smile…Quads…oh, OH and Jaw!!!
Flaws: Looking BAD in a suit/ Having pasty white thighs (can’t he afford like…a spray tan?)
Voice: Orgasmic when not out of breath and sounding like a chipmunk on helium ]
www.melbournestorm.com.au
Known as halfback Barbie by some fans (ok, just me and my best friend), Cooper Cronk is such a delight to watch – especially during pre-game warm-up! He manages to look like the retarded version of the sugar plum fairy, which is quite an accomplishment in some cultures.
Shorter that most of the Melbourne Storm team he appears visibly stumpier, garden gnome like in fact. So, when Cronk wears super bright, super white shoes he looks very out of proportion, but in an adorable sort of way…
Sample fan dialogue:
“Oh look at him and his white shoes!”
*squeal*
“You know what they say about men with big shoes?!”
*more high pitch squeals*
Okay moving on…
For those of you who don’t know anything about the NRL I suggest you go to a game to watch him. He actually has a neck and is amusing to watch.
Believe it or not, this Halfback Barbie is actually good at what he does. So if he does end up becoming your favourite player it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!
He always appears to be happy to pose with fans or with obese babies thrust into his muscular arms by psychopathic mothers. He also signs unwilling grandchildren (their dirt strewn jersey) when a gleeful grandparent squawks, “can you sign my grandchild?”
I personally am yet to find a child (a feral dirty one) so I have a reason to talk to him without sounding like a maniac of a fan. However if you fail to kidnap a child for fear of being contaminated yourself, try this:
“Can you sign my long neck turtle…he has a neck just like you and is a great fan of you…seriously, not me…I just like making fun of you. (Shit did I say that out loud?)
…wouldn’t YOU like to know haha
*Pulls random turtle from massive red bag and hand over to flabbergasted halfback*
PS- Turtles DO NOT smell nice @ all…just so you know
http://www.turtlebreeders.com.au/bsTurtlebig.jpg
| 56 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
